Pirates 2: Dead Plot

I like many was a fan of the first Pirates of the Caribbean (2003). I had few expectations when I saw it. In that opening scene when Johnny Depp rides the sinking boat into the harbor by standing on the crow's nest and then he steps perfectly on to the dock, I grinned so hard my face hurt and I laughed and smiled through much of the film. So of course I was willing to go to a sequel. How could I not want to have another adventure with Jack Sparrow, Elizabeth Swann and Will Turner.

I'll tell you how, when it turns out to be the movie I had to suffer through. I can think of no better example of Hollywood corruption of a movie than this film. It is as if a movie analyst figured out all the things people liked about the first film, brought them back and multiplied them by ten. There is too much of everything in this movie. Yes even too much of Johnny Depp. There are at least five plot lines in this film which forced the movie into a long and tedious two and a half hours.

The actors can't even hold up here. Depp's Sparrow is getting old fast due to so much screen time. Keira Knightley's Elizabeth has been turned from a spirited woman into a frustrated complaining damsel. Poor Bill Nighy is underused and covered in prosthetics to make him a monstrosity. Even Stellan Skarsgård is woefully underused as Bootstrap Bill, Will Turner's long thought dead father.

The action sequences run long and there is a unconvincing romantic subplot of sorts, as they try to play up the attarction of Elizabeth and Jack. Logic loop holes abound, such as why the undead monkey from the first film is still dead. And the film has the nerve to end in a set up for the third film. No doubt that one will multiply everything by fifty instead of ten and be even more horrible. Even the news that Keith Richards will cameo doesn't raise my spirits.