Pathfinder

Pathfinder had two things going for it. The theater I saw it in was empty save for me and my friend and it starred Clancy Brown. Unfortunately I didn't know it was Clancy Brown and he was speaking in Viking(?) the whole time. But the fact that the theater was empty is still a plus. One, it gives me hope that all considerations of quality are not gone from this world. Two, it meant I could make all the jokes at the screen that I wanted.

This film was simply horrible. Caricatured noble savages, tough but apparently incredibly stupid enemies and a ridiculous amount of conveniences and telegraphed set ups abound in this film. Its like watch a poor man's Conan. At least Conan had a plot that made mild sense. Karl Urban is trying desperately to eek out a living as an action star but sadly he lacks one key factor. My vague recollection of the Lord of the Rings trilogy makes me think he was an okay Eomer but since then he has underwhelmed me in everything I've seen.

And back to Clancy Brown. Seriously how can any film hide Clancy Brown behind bulky armor and a helmet. He's Clancy f---ing Brown, don't they understand that? You don't hide Drill Instructor Zim behind a mask, you put him out front chewing up scenery and emoting like you never saw no b-list actor emote before. This is a film travesty of significant importance, just like in Final Destination 3 when there was no Tony Todd. What were they thinking?