I found out there was a movie called Zombie Strippers one day while looking at the local cinema offerings. I did a quick online search and discovered it starred Robert Englund (i.e. Freddy Krueger) and Jenna Jameson (one time queen of porn) and that was all I needed to decide this was a movie that I had to see if for no other reason than to say I had. But loving movies about zombies didn't hurt either. What I got was either shear genius or one of the worst pieces of crap I've ever seen. And I still can't decide which it is.
In George Bush's fourth term as president (apparently in this alt universe, there was a drastic altering to the constitution sometime between now and this November which allowed GW to get re-elected and then another amendment to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to be his vice president) a company creates a virus that reanimates the dead apparently meant as a weapon of war. This virus causes women to gain super strength and retain the ability to talk as their flesh decays while men become mindless...well...zombies. A group of soldiers is brought in to wipe them out.
When a soldier who has been bitten escapes to a local strip club and bites a stripper then the plot really starts to unfold. Apparently zombie viruses make strippers way better at what they do. And apparently men prefer undead naked flesh over live nudes. Said zombie strippers (yes the movie does actually refer to them as that at least once) led by Jenna Jameson dance and then occasionally eat and convert a patron into a zombie. Eventually this will end with a zombie outbreak of course.
It must be said that Jameson looks kind of disturbing with her plastic face that actually improves slightly when she becomes a zombie. The acting is bad but I presume intentionally so. The plot as much as there is one moves forward in leaps after long periods of going nowhere. The opening bit gets us to zombie strippers. Then a long period of expected flesh baring followed by another leap forward in plot. So what in the world makes me think this film might be brilliant?
Well for one it has reduced the genre to its most basic elements and it gives plenty of that. Zombies? check. T and A? check. Gruesome zombie deaths? check. As for the comedy the most unintentionally funny (or intentionally?) thing is the dialog in which several character engage. There are numerous pseudo-intellectual rants quoting the likes of Nietzsche and Sartre. I myself probably laughed too much and too loudly near the end of the movie when two zombie strippers fight each other making rather disturbing but also humorous use of golf balls and billiards balls.
But I should say that despite having moments of truly inspired comedy there is also a lot of really wretched acting and trodding plot to deal with as well. Still in the end I was at least mildly happy that I had made the decision to see it.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Forbidden Kingdom
Jason (Michael Angarano) is a teenage kid obsessed with kung fu films and frequently visits Chinatown to buy bootleg kung fu films. Running afoul of the local teenage thug, Jason is forced to help them break into the store of an old man who knows Jason. After an obligatory set of circumstances occur, Jason ends up with an important looking staff and the mission of returning it to its master. A magically induced fall from a roof top allows our hero Jason to wake up in a mythical China called the Middle Kingdom.
Jason soon discovers that the staff he carries is much sought after and quickly finds himself in trouble. The drunken master Lu Yan (Jackie Chan) comes to his aid and tells the legendary story of the Monkey King and the Jade Warlord. Eventually Jason is joined in his quest to return the staff to the statue of the Monkey King by a vengeful woman called the Golden Sparrow (Crystal Liu Yi Fei) and a taciturn monk (Jet Li). The three train Jason in kung fu and battle scores of warriors on their quest.
Shakespeare it isn't. But honestly a martial arts film doesn't need to have a great story. It just needs a moderately coherent one. And it gets bonus points if said story isn't seemingly an elaborate analogy for the glory that is modern day China (Hero comes to mind. No, it doesn't need a great story, it just needs enough to keep you from wanting to open your veins while waiting for the next choreographed martial arts sequence. Thankfully The Forbidden Kingdom has just that.
Jet Li and Jackie Chan are both enjoyable to watch and both of their talents are made good use of here. Chan is more often associated with clever uses of props as if drunk or a fool while Li tends to represent a more graceful side. Both are a lot of fun to watch. And when the two themselves spar against one another, the result had me grinning. Jet Li's silent monk is typical of his no nonsense act that he has perfected in so many movies but he also gets to play the Monkey King and in that capacity he gets to play a more lively character that showed Li has a range far wider than I would have reckoned.
The plot kept me entertained enough. The fighting was all I really came to see and the director did something a lot of directors find hard to do. He kept the camera still. Its amazing what that can do for you. It allows you to actually see what you came to see, a bunch of guys (and gals) kicking the high holy crap out of each other. So if you are in for a complete piece of popcorn fluff where you can be highly entertained by martial arts and mildly entertained by a story then I say go see this one.
Jason soon discovers that the staff he carries is much sought after and quickly finds himself in trouble. The drunken master Lu Yan (Jackie Chan) comes to his aid and tells the legendary story of the Monkey King and the Jade Warlord. Eventually Jason is joined in his quest to return the staff to the statue of the Monkey King by a vengeful woman called the Golden Sparrow (Crystal Liu Yi Fei) and a taciturn monk (Jet Li). The three train Jason in kung fu and battle scores of warriors on their quest.
Shakespeare it isn't. But honestly a martial arts film doesn't need to have a great story. It just needs a moderately coherent one. And it gets bonus points if said story isn't seemingly an elaborate analogy for the glory that is modern day China (Hero comes to mind. No, it doesn't need a great story, it just needs enough to keep you from wanting to open your veins while waiting for the next choreographed martial arts sequence. Thankfully The Forbidden Kingdom has just that.
Jet Li and Jackie Chan are both enjoyable to watch and both of their talents are made good use of here. Chan is more often associated with clever uses of props as if drunk or a fool while Li tends to represent a more graceful side. Both are a lot of fun to watch. And when the two themselves spar against one another, the result had me grinning. Jet Li's silent monk is typical of his no nonsense act that he has perfected in so many movies but he also gets to play the Monkey King and in that capacity he gets to play a more lively character that showed Li has a range far wider than I would have reckoned.
The plot kept me entertained enough. The fighting was all I really came to see and the director did something a lot of directors find hard to do. He kept the camera still. Its amazing what that can do for you. It allows you to actually see what you came to see, a bunch of guys (and gals) kicking the high holy crap out of each other. So if you are in for a complete piece of popcorn fluff where you can be highly entertained by martial arts and mildly entertained by a story then I say go see this one.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Stop Loss
Kimberly Peirce's new film Stop Loss, her second full length feature, follows Brandon King (Ryan Phillipe), a soldier recently returned from Iraq, whose term of service is over. His most recent mission resulted in the death of several soldiers and friends and has left many of the men in his unit with post traumatic stress. Expecting to get on with his life, the day he is to be released from service he discovers he has been stop-lossed, a process by which a soldier's service is involuntarily extended. Brandon incensed by this goes AWOL and begins looking for a way to get out of his predicament.
Brandon is joined on his road trip by his friend and fellow soldier's fiance Michelle (Abbie Cornish). She aids him partly because her fiance Steve (Channing Tatum) could face the same procedure, partly because Steve has become extraordinarily despondent at times and she wants to understand what it was like in Iraq. A subplot involves Tommy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who after having his best friend die in his arms has become increasingly distant and has started drinking heavily. His marriage is falling apart and he is in danger of being discharged for bad conduct despite considering the army his only real family.
The film is at times uneven and avoids what would seem like obvious avenues of character development. It admirably steers as much as possible away from grander philosophical arguments about the Iraq War and instead focuses on how what soldiers see affects them. The events of the opening are ever present in the minds of the various soldiers in this film. Still it seems like a waste of opportunity and talent not to have a more significant role for Ciaran Hinds as Brandon's father. Who appears to be a veteran of Vietnam (but maybe not) and therefore might have a very interesting opinion about the Iraq war.
A lot of Brandon's road trip doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. He feels obligated to personally tell the parents of one of his dead soldier's how he died. In addition despite being AWOL he visits a military hospital where another soldier is being treated. There is also a gratuitous fist fight between two friends (something that only seems to happen in movies) to resolve long standing issues each has with the other. But despite that it is a reasonably interesting take on how some soldiers might feel about the war.
Some of the strongest scenes go to Gordon-Levitt, who continually shows his ability to choose interesting roles. Playing the guitar in the opening scenes, he is jovial and enthusiastic which slowly becomes more and more morose as the film proceeds. Phillipe is adequate in the lead although his transitions from relative stability to hallucinations set off by stress are at times played unevenly.
Overall, the film feels a bit to dependent on its gimmick (the policy of stop loss) and on wrapping up the story in a neat little bow. Still it was entertaining enough and had some memorable moments.
Brandon is joined on his road trip by his friend and fellow soldier's fiance Michelle (Abbie Cornish). She aids him partly because her fiance Steve (Channing Tatum) could face the same procedure, partly because Steve has become extraordinarily despondent at times and she wants to understand what it was like in Iraq. A subplot involves Tommy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who after having his best friend die in his arms has become increasingly distant and has started drinking heavily. His marriage is falling apart and he is in danger of being discharged for bad conduct despite considering the army his only real family.
The film is at times uneven and avoids what would seem like obvious avenues of character development. It admirably steers as much as possible away from grander philosophical arguments about the Iraq War and instead focuses on how what soldiers see affects them. The events of the opening are ever present in the minds of the various soldiers in this film. Still it seems like a waste of opportunity and talent not to have a more significant role for Ciaran Hinds as Brandon's father. Who appears to be a veteran of Vietnam (but maybe not) and therefore might have a very interesting opinion about the Iraq war.
A lot of Brandon's road trip doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. He feels obligated to personally tell the parents of one of his dead soldier's how he died. In addition despite being AWOL he visits a military hospital where another soldier is being treated. There is also a gratuitous fist fight between two friends (something that only seems to happen in movies) to resolve long standing issues each has with the other. But despite that it is a reasonably interesting take on how some soldiers might feel about the war.
Some of the strongest scenes go to Gordon-Levitt, who continually shows his ability to choose interesting roles. Playing the guitar in the opening scenes, he is jovial and enthusiastic which slowly becomes more and more morose as the film proceeds. Phillipe is adequate in the lead although his transitions from relative stability to hallucinations set off by stress are at times played unevenly.
Overall, the film feels a bit to dependent on its gimmick (the policy of stop loss) and on wrapping up the story in a neat little bow. Still it was entertaining enough and had some memorable moments.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Running Total - Part 3
March continued to be a problematic month for movies as I was mostly unable or unwilling to see the dreadful releases for the month. Still a few gems showed up here and there. I got the opportunity to rewatch the first film I saw in 2008 and in addition to not having to walk in Chicago's freezing January 1 weather after it was over, I concluded that it was still one of the great movies of last year. Plus I got to see two classics of cinema (arguably) thanks to local indie theater, the Carolina.
March 02 - Penelope: Should have been charming and sweet little romantic comedy with a wholesome message. Should have been. Wholesome message? Accept yourself for who you are and someone or something will magical whisk away any imperfections making you perfect.
March 04 - The Other Boleyn Girl: Soap Opera meets history? Had so much potential but played it way too safe.
March 08 - Highlander: Queen, Christopher Lambert and Clancy Brown are a combination that is exactly as good as it sounds.
March 08 - 10,000 BC: As Emerrich makes films I suspect he is getting crazier. Exhibit A is this disaster of a film.
March 11 - Princess Bride: Yeah, one of Rob Reiner's best.
March 14 - The Bank Job: Very enjoyable heist largely thanks to Jason Statham who finally makes a film not directed by Guy Ritchie where he isn't half bad.
March 14 - Doomsday: Surprisingly good popcorn fluff which may also be a satire of action films in general.
March 22 - 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days: Holy crap, heavy film, excellent but not for the light of heart.
And what you all came to see...er read...er I guess see...the meaningless statistics:
Films Remaining: 73
Days Remaining: 275
Average Number of films per day to achieve goal: 0.27
Average Number of films to see per week to achieve goal: 1.8
March 02 - Penelope: Should have been charming and sweet little romantic comedy with a wholesome message. Should have been. Wholesome message? Accept yourself for who you are and someone or something will magical whisk away any imperfections making you perfect.
March 04 - The Other Boleyn Girl: Soap Opera meets history? Had so much potential but played it way too safe.
March 08 - Highlander: Queen, Christopher Lambert and Clancy Brown are a combination that is exactly as good as it sounds.
March 08 - 10,000 BC: As Emerrich makes films I suspect he is getting crazier. Exhibit A is this disaster of a film.
March 11 - Princess Bride: Yeah, one of Rob Reiner's best.
March 14 - The Bank Job: Very enjoyable heist largely thanks to Jason Statham who finally makes a film not directed by Guy Ritchie where he isn't half bad.
March 14 - Doomsday: Surprisingly good popcorn fluff which may also be a satire of action films in general.
March 22 - 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days: Holy crap, heavy film, excellent but not for the light of heart.
And what you all came to see...er read...er I guess see...the meaningless statistics:
Films Remaining: 73
Days Remaining: 275
Average Number of films per day to achieve goal: 0.27
Average Number of films to see per week to achieve goal: 1.8
Day Watch
"It could have done with a bit more action and less mind numbing dialog."
-Me, March 2006 about Night Watch
I've discovered that becoming curious about what is hiding in the moving dumpster that is my car is not always a good thing. When I investigated the contents of my car the other day, I discovered Day Watch and I honestly don't remember when I obtained said movie. But I confess that two years ago, after I saw the first film, that I was mildly curious to see the sequel to see where the story would go. I can now tell you, reader, that I have no idea where the story went. Upon reading my review from two years ago I was struck by my own quote that the film could use more action and less exposition.
The fact that Day Watch seems to have done just that hurts my brain. And I now find myself wishing there had been a little bit more exposition just to help explain to my admittedly poor brain what the hell was going on. The film picks up at some time after the last film. Anton is still a member of the day watch and his son is apparently some very important powerful evil. There is some tension brewing between the two sides and something called the chalk of destiny and I confess I hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on.
All this narrative anarchy was intensified by stylistic effects shots such as a car driving along a building or a guy causing cars to explode on the street. Although many of these looked quite good they flew out of left field most of the time and so how they actually related to what was going on and what was being said was completely lost on me. If someone else watches this and can explain it to me I would be very appreciative. As it stands Day Watch is a very pretty, very confusing tale of good and evil. I guess.
-Me, March 2006 about Night Watch
I've discovered that becoming curious about what is hiding in the moving dumpster that is my car is not always a good thing. When I investigated the contents of my car the other day, I discovered Day Watch and I honestly don't remember when I obtained said movie. But I confess that two years ago, after I saw the first film, that I was mildly curious to see the sequel to see where the story would go. I can now tell you, reader, that I have no idea where the story went. Upon reading my review from two years ago I was struck by my own quote that the film could use more action and less exposition.
The fact that Day Watch seems to have done just that hurts my brain. And I now find myself wishing there had been a little bit more exposition just to help explain to my admittedly poor brain what the hell was going on. The film picks up at some time after the last film. Anton is still a member of the day watch and his son is apparently some very important powerful evil. There is some tension brewing between the two sides and something called the chalk of destiny and I confess I hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on.
All this narrative anarchy was intensified by stylistic effects shots such as a car driving along a building or a guy causing cars to explode on the street. Although many of these looked quite good they flew out of left field most of the time and so how they actually related to what was going on and what was being said was completely lost on me. If someone else watches this and can explain it to me I would be very appreciative. As it stands Day Watch is a very pretty, very confusing tale of good and evil. I guess.
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