Friends

(Fair warning, this is a spoiler filled post and if you don't want plot points revealed go see the film before you read)

Nothing was more pleasant to read last year than the three chief New York Times critics writing about scenes that go home with you. For all the technical expertise in cinema, it doesn't matter if you have flawless dialog or perfect cuts. The most proficiently made film might very well bore me to death. Once you've styled yourself a critic, you find quickly that there is a certain amount of snobbery in you. But it wasn't technical excellence that made me love films, enjoy talking about them and let me to eventually write about them. Rather it was how films made me feel. And that ultimately directs my opinion on all the films I see. the best films I see every year make me feel great. And they follow me home and resonate. my favorite films haunt me until I see them again. The fact is a scene that goes home with me is truly great and its always how I know how much I liked a film.

So much of film is a personal experience. My favorite films always move me personally. Sometimes its a scene that strikes me. Sometimes its watching said scene with someone. I remember vividly watching Magnolia with my friend Brad and after the prologue turning to him and saying "holy crap" exactly as he said "that was awesome." Say what you want about the film, that opening was a cinematic MOMENT for me. It slants what I think about the movie. Last year the scene I wrote about was personal. It had me reflecting on my father. This year has me reflecting on another important relationship: friendship.

Again my friend Brad once noted that particularly in movies best friends always get shafted in relationships. But in reality a friend is often as important as any person you will ever date. So when a great friendship is represented on screen I usually respond very positively. Its never so slight as how they talk but what they don't say and how they act around each other. A well constructed friendship on screen has me reflecting on friendship just as a meaningful father-son dynamic causes me to think of my dad. But as with last year, its more the relationship than any one scene that went home with me so I'll cheat again and describe several scenes.

The Visitor tells a story about a professor who discovers a couple who are illegal immigrants living in his New York apartment which he rarely visits. After the initial shock, Walter (Richard Jenkins) invites the two to stay with him until they can find their own place. Walter, a fairly shy man with few real friends quickly bonds with Tarek (Haaz Sleiman) a very exuberant and easy going Syrian. Bonding over something as simple as a drum, the two get along very easily. Soon Walter is excited to steal away from a conference to talk to a friend. An unfortunate happenstance results in Tarek's arrest and detention as an illegal.

It is here that several scenes all tied together struck me. Walter's first visit to see Tarek is fairly happy. Tarek is delighted at seeing a familiar face and he is as charming and optimistic as ever. When the meeting is ended prematurely, it is no problem for Tarek. Their second meeting is similarly lively though the strain on Tarek is more defined. Yet he provides strength to Walter by insisting Walter drum out a beat on the table of the visitor's room. Its a scene filled with hope and humor but the music or rather teh beat I think gives something to Tarek as much as it gives to Walter.

The devestation on Tarek's character is pronounced in the final scene. He can no longer keep his optimism. And when Walter tries to empathize, Tarek lashes out. Its quick, immediately regretted (but not taken back) and the strain is real. Tarek's deportation gives rise to the most lively bout of anger that Walter gives and its the rage of someone who has lost a true friend. And what is truly amazing about this friendship is I believe it wholly. And yet its timeline is short. Yet I don't question it could happen. But I believe its possible to fall in love in one night so why can't you build a lasting momentous friendship in ten days?

And as I watched their friendship I reflected on my own. Me a quiet new kid in fourth grade and much livelier kid who walked up straight away and introduced himself. and it isn't always what we talked about that made us good friends but also what we didn't. Telling that friend your tragedies or successes is often more important than anything they can say. Singing along to a bad 80s pop song might be as significant as sharing tales of heartbreak.

And Walter and Tarek both have tragedy. Walter's wife has died and Tarek lost his father. But beyond acknowledgment of a mutually understood pain they don't talk about it. So sometimes its not what is said but what isn't that defines a friendship. It was little things like that which made me believe in the friendship. When Tarek smiles when he sees Walter in the detention center everyone can relate to that. Those times when you are at your most unsure, your most afraid and a familiar face does wonders.

My best friend has done that for me on more than one occasion. And so I nodded in consent when it happened on screen. Its about when Walter consents to pounding out a beat when asked because it means something to Tarek. Its the reason I consent to a drink or whatever when a friend asks. Even if I'm tired or whatever, I do it because I know it is needed. So I smiled when I saw it on screen.

And maybe most of all its the scene when Tarek having lost all hope, lashes out at Walter and immediately regrets it. But he doesn't apologize for it because both understand it. And sometimes your friends try to comfort you and what they say only angers you. And if you lash out you regret it but both ultimately understand. and frankly when that scene happened i was desperately hoping that things would work out for Tarek. And I'm the type of person who truly loves unhappy endings. But at that moment the friendship mattered and I wanted it to all work out.

and when Walter erupts upon learning of Tarek's deportation, it is anger and sadness at the loss of a friend. And I've lost friends for far less significant reasons than deportation. And the ones I truly cherished hurt the most. They made me angry and sad at once. And I've sat in my car yelling about it just to let it out. So when Walter breaks down I was teary eyed. And in the end Walter may never see Tarek again and maybe they will never talk and maybe the friendship will never be as immediate or real as it was but it leaves Walter with something.

And whether that somethings is a quiet smile as you remember to tell yourself as you look in the mirror that you are a rock star (because your friend told you to do it). Or one last walk with a friend where you talk about everything except the inevitable end. Or whatever strikes you, when you recall a great friendship whether it lasted a few months or has been going strong for many years. You can't help but appreciate it on screen. And The Visitor does it with aplomb.